Mike Vs. The Wizard

There's a strange reoccurring flight of fancy that keeps crossing my mind lately.  It's that my life is not at all dissimilar to that of one of the many, many wizards that populate the various works of fiction I've absorbed over the years.  In many ways, I live a lot like the prototypical wizard.  I'll explain with a brief list. 

1.  Wizards often live alone in tall towers cluttered with strange and unusual items.  These towers generally include a balcony for addressing rampaging Orcs or for smoking a pipe while glowering up at the approaching storm. 

I live alone in a one bedroom apartment on the 19th floor.  It is filled with strange and unusual items and includes a balcony upon which I can step out and address the rampaging East York residents, or perhaps even smoke a pipe whilst glowering up at the approaching storm.

2.  Wizards generally have some sort of scrying device, a magic mirror or a crystal ball or whatever, so that they can view the happenings from far and wide throughout the land.

I have high definition "magic mirrors" in the living room and the bedroom, both of which bring me news from across the land, including traffic and weather!  Sure I call them TV's and mostly use them to watch cartoons, but still...totally counts!

3.  Wizards generally have row upon row of dusty shelves full of books and scrolls containing vast amounts of knowledge on topics both strange and diverse!  

Me too.

4.  If all else fails, Wizards may need to summon a demon or spirit to assist them in finding the answers to life's various mysteries.

I have the Internet for that.  If need be, I can even venture into the foul underworld of the "Discussion Forum" to confront the demonic trolls that reside there and learn the answers to even the most obscure questions, albeit at great peril to my fragile psyche!

5.  Wizards often have collections of obscure potions to treat a variety of conditions, both mental and physical, along with the ingredients and knowledge to create more of these magical concoctions.

I buy most of my potions pre-mixed at the drug store, but I admit to indulging in occasional experimentation...

6.  Wizards can frequently be found brooding in their towers, pondering the mysteries of the cosmos and the overwhelmingly complicated intricacies of existence and the human condition.  

That's like, all I ever do. 

Well, I could probably go on and on about this, but you get my point.  Clearly, I'm a wizard....

7.  Wizards are WISE.

D'Oh!  Uh...Never mind....