Thursday, 25 November 2010


Well no snow as of yet, but today is the first day I really noticed the sky taking on that dull, black and white texture that will surely be here most days through until March or so at least...It's weird that the actual colours in the world just change come this time of year. All the brightness has gone out of the world. Colours are muted, even the brightest hughs seeming to have been dry-painted over with a greyish-brown tinge. Why is that? Some sort of light relflection thing since the sun, while up, is so far away?

Anyway it's chilling in some ways, but I also find it comforting. Seeing that black & white fairytale world, especially once the snow falls. It brings back some sort of feeling that I've had every year since we came back to Canada in '87. As if this is the true heart of the country that I live in, or even the planet. I don't know, I don't quite understand the phenomenon and I don't really understand it's effect on my psyche either.

A world of fragile things...coming up soon....

Saturday, 20 November 2010

The candle's already out

so what's the point of all this cold November rain?

Not too much to talk about today really, but I couldn't let November slip by without at least a passing reference to that old stand-by Guns N' Roses song

In a weird mood lately. I could over-analyze and give a bunch of reasons and justifications but at the end of it I think it boils down to two easily identifiable things. One is just the time of's a good time for bad moods. The other is just that I'm lonely. Been spending more time alone in the last couple of months than I've been used to and it wears on you after a while. Oddly though, I am choosing to be alone more often than not. At any given time there are several people I could call and spend time with, but I'm not very motivated. Self-inflicted loneliness. Interesting.

I was thinking the other day about how there are 3 major factors in life that lead to happiness, and how in my entire life, I've only had all 3 in the "positive" section for a couple of months at a time. What are the three things, you may ask?

1. Security (or as we know it in modern western civilization) Money

2. Good Health

3. Love

Of course this is not all there is to life and of course number 3 is ambiguous...does he mean romantic? Friends? Family? Because that could be split into 3 or 4 categories all by itself. However, being fairly callous, I'm going to take my friends and family for granted and put #3 squarely into the "mating" pile. This, perhaps due to my upbringing, seems more important to me. My parents and consequently I moved around constantly through the first 10 years of my life and thus I have a strong sense that although you'll always care for friends and family, all you really need to get by is that one other person (and I guess since I got dragged along, any offspring you happen to create).

Through most of my adult life I have had no problems with numbers 2 and 3. Money was almost always my biggest issue. At least until 2004, when I started life as a transit employee and suddenly had all 3 points. Sadly, that was short lived as both 2 and 3 quickly disappeared after that. Now I think I'm back on track with 1 and 2 but 3 is very elusive and I'm honestly not sure it's even within my capabilities any more.

Anyway my point is that I think that these are the 3 main things one needs in life to be fully happy and that basically no one ever has all 3 at the same time. This leads me to believe that happiness is not really part of the human condition. Therefore, I don't have to feel bad if I'm a moody, mopey pain in the ass who posts morbid blogs and bad poetry about being sad.

The End.