skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Well no snow as of yet, but today is the first day I really noticed the sky taking on that dull, black and white texture that will surely be here most days through until March or so at least...It's weird that the actual colours in the world just change come this time of year. All the brightness has gone out of the world. Colours are muted, even the brightest hughs seeming to have been dry-painted over with a greyish-brown tinge. Why is that? Some sort of light relflection thing since the sun, while up, is so far away?
Anyway it's chilling in some ways, but I also find it comforting. Seeing that black & white fairytale world, especially once the snow falls. It brings back some sort of feeling that I've had every year since we came back to Canada in '87. As if this is the true heart of the country that I live in, or even the planet. I don't know, I don't quite understand the phenomenon and I don't really understand it's effect on my psyche either.
A world of fragile things...coming up soon....
so what's the point of all this cold November rain?
Not too much to talk about today really, but I couldn't let November slip by without at least a passing reference to that old stand-by Guns N' Roses song
In a weird mood lately. I could over-analyze and give a bunch of reasons and justifications but at the end of it I think it boils down to two easily identifiable things. One is just the time of year....it's a good time for bad moods. The other is just that I'm lonely. Been spending more time alone in the last couple of months than I've been used to and it wears on you after a while. Oddly though, I am choosing to be alone more often than not. At any given time there are several people I could call and spend time with, but I'm not very motivated. Self-inflicted loneliness. Interesting.
I was thinking the other day about how there are 3 major factors in life that lead to happiness, and how in my entire life, I've only had all 3 in the "positive" section for a couple of months at a time. What are the three things, you may ask?
1. Security (or as we know it in modern western civilization) Money
2. Good Health
3. Love
Of course this is not all there is to life and of course number 3 is ambiguous...does he mean romantic? Friends? Family? Because that could be split into 3 or 4 categories all by itself. However, being fairly callous, I'm going to take my friends and family for granted and put #3 squarely into the "mating" pile. This, perhaps due to my upbringing, seems more important to me. My parents and consequently I moved around constantly through the first 10 years of my life and thus I have a strong sense that although you'll always care for friends and family, all you really need to get by is that one other person (and I guess since I got dragged along, any offspring you happen to create).
Through most of my adult life I have had no problems with numbers 2 and 3. Money was almost always my biggest issue. At least until 2004, when I started life as a transit employee and suddenly had all 3 points. Sadly, that was short lived as both 2 and 3 quickly disappeared after that. Now I think I'm back on track with 1 and 2 but 3 is very elusive and I'm honestly not sure it's even within my capabilities any more.
Anyway my point is that I think that these are the 3 main things one needs in life to be fully happy and that basically no one ever has all 3 at the same time. This leads me to believe that happiness is not really part of the human condition. Therefore, I don't have to feel bad if I'm a moody, mopey pain in the ass who posts morbid blogs and bad poetry about being sad.
The End.
;)
As promised, here's my lovely new haircut, as best as I can capture on film (digital film? I suppose that saying is out of date). Anyway, it's not some drastic style that I've never had before or anything, but I think it's gonna stick for a while at least. More "young Morrison" than "old I'm about to die Morrison."
Just a little physical manifestation of my current commitment to change some things.
You may be wondering what, exactly, I want to change? I am wondering the same thing, to be honest. However I have a few ideas. A couple have already been implemented....
Step 1: Rearrange the types and amounts of chemicals I'm putting into my body on a daily/weekly/whatever basis. In a nutshell, I think there are too many things I'm imbibing that are just not that good for me. A short list might include caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, aspartame and soft drinks in general, certain types of food, and maybe some other stuff. I'm certainly not against any of these things. I enjoy them constantly! However, I'd like to cut down on all of the above. It's harder than it sounds, particularly for someone like myself who is such a creature of habit. In particular, I really need to find something to drink other than pop that has a little more zing than plain water. What do people drink in this world?
Speaking of being a creature of habit, Step 2 is to break out of my comfort zone more frequently. Go out places aside from my buddies apartments or the same pub I've been to 4000 times already. Try and experience more things. Even if only once or twice a month. This could be as simple as just interacting with other human beings whose names I don't yet know. I'm too old to be intimidated to talk to strangers...but I'm not quite old enough to be so jaded as to wonder why I should bother. However, the latter is often the case. That needs to change. I need an attitude adjustment, mister!
Step 3 or 4 or whatever (I don't know why I'm doing this in list format since it's all interrelated) is simply to stop being so lazy. I have a few friends that are great at motivating me to do things that I wouldn't normally be interested in because hey, I love my couch! I should listen to them more, or learn to self motivate better. This can directly relate to the above, but also counts for things like cleaning up more often and getting groceries before I absolutely HAVE to. Just get off the couch.
Of course, Winter is coming and all of this will seem less important in freezing, snowy weather. However, I've got the restless vibe of Fall singing me it's siren song for now, and I will try to remember that feeling and at least give it a shot. This is the only life I've got, it's time to start living it while I still can.
2010 is starting to wind down....2 months and it's a whole new ball game yet again....
Of course not really....Time is such a human invention...and aside from the fact that it happens to be Winter instead of Fall, January 1st means nothing at all....it's no different from Ocotober 15th or July 7th or whatever.
Well, maybe it is to some degree. Fall and Spring for some reason always feel more transitional to me. I mean, they're more of a journey to hottest or coldest than a destination unto themselves.
Anyway, speaking of transitions, there are many things in my life I'm trying to slowly change...habits that I want to alter...nothing major, just a little housecleaning here and there. Step one - Time to get a haircut! My first and only in 2010! So here's the before picture:
...I'll update later with the results. I'm sure they won't be that drastic. The idea of a haircut is always an idea of change for me...like it will make you a whole new person or something. Of course it never really does, but there's always hope, right?
