Friday 17 August 2012

Why Am I Here??

 And as he awoke, the moment passed.  Dreams dissolved into sunlight and dust, but the seed of a feeling had been planted.  Now he was left to ponder the twin sensations of wonder and apprehension.  What could it mean?

I have no idea...

So I'm a little ashamed to admit that I'm 35 years old and still don't know what's going on here.  I have no purpose, no higher calling.  I feel like my life is essentially the same as that of an ant.  I do repetitive tasks in a predictable fashion.  I am a cog in a giant machine, and were I to vanish today, I'd be replaced tomorrow and it wouldn't matter.  There is nothing that I do, either personally or professionally, that couldn't easily be done as well or better by someone else.  Some people are one in a million.  I am 563,827 in a million.

Wholly unremarkable.

And yet I feel so unique, and special even!  Entitlement?  Arrogance?

I'm the only one with MY specific point of view, at least.  I bet I'm the only person in the world who saw a Groundhog's attention captured earlier as he stared up in wonder at a Monarch Butterfly flitting about just inches from his face. 

Neither Groundhog nor Butterfly are particularly remarkable either.  However, that moment made them special, in my memory at least.  Perhaps I just need to find my next moment.  Or perhaps I just need to try harder to build on the moments that maybe lately I just let pass me by.  Hmmmm.

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