Excerpts from the Beach

So I woke up this morning in a very contemplative mood and looked out the window and saw the sunshine and knew that today was the day. I had to go to my beach and reclaim my lost self, or at least ponder existence for a few hours. So I packed up my acoustic guitar, my iPod, a biography of Kurt Cobain, a bottle of rye and diet and a brand new, untouched notebook and off I went. It was great. I wrote a huge journal and I wrote a new song. Some of this writing I thought might be worth sharing so as i sit here and listen to Leonard Cohen and sip bourbon, I'll type out a few excerpts from the journal (possibly edited for clarity or artistic license):

"Here I am at the beach....once again looking for answers.

What draws me to this place time and again? I was thinking about this as I took my tightrope walk (where the ocean meets the land) once more. I think it's several things.

First, I love that all four elements come together in such a powerful and natural way, uncontrived and obvious - unmistakable. The force behind this soothes me....I can listen to the waves, feel the wind in my hair and experience the sand and rocks under my feet, the sun beaming down from heaven, now a caress, by and by a hammer's fall. I am molded into a new entity as I step along the edge of the world. Or perhaps I am just returned to myself. The ultimate reset button.

That brings me to the second reason i love the beach...the many possibilities for metaphor. As I walk along I feel I walk the edge - between the known and the unknown, the past and the future, life and whatever comes next. I can look out on eternity... To gaze at something so much bigger than me, than us, than all of us - older than civilization, older than time, unknowable and uncontrollable...the seas had to part to reveal the land....i can't help but love the seductive combination of serenity and chaos that is as deep as a soul and just as unfathomable.

The lake IS seductive...powerful and sexy and with a strength I don't understand. I can relate to the siren's song, even if I don't know how to answer it's call. Mysterious. "

There is a lot more to the journal, but you get the idea...once I finished my writing I smoked a cigarette and pulled out the guitar...nothing like playing with the sound of waves crashing on rocks as percussion....I almost immediately started playing a new riff and the next thing I knew I had a song. I haven't decided yet if it's a good song, but it was just what I needed to do today. I am finally feeling like myself again, after all these years...perhaps for the first time since 2002 I feel like I am becoming me again...maybe it's just a trickle of water inside me right now, but I feel the water rising, and soon the dam might just burst. If you're standing near me, you may be splashed....we can only hope

the little boy that sits on the mountain with his cowboy hat is me. He's still there inside after all....i was worried he was gone for good....