Thursday, 16 January 2014

Ice Sculpture

I was walking along this morning through the ice and wind and sun and cloud and, as per usual, my mind wandered.  I keep thinking about tomorrow's wisdom tooth surgery...I'm not worried about it at all, but it seems so strange to me to think that part of my body will be removed and left behind. 

It made me think about what is really "me".  Obviously not my teeth.

I sat on a bench in the park and looked out over the abandoned baseball diamond.  It is absolutely coated in could strap on skates and go for a spin (or a flop, if you have my skill levels).  The sun came out from behind a cloud and lit the whole field was so brilliant it hurt my eyes.  A whole new reason to call it a "diamond".

For some reason, my mind turned to the creation of an artist will tell you that the sculpture was always there, and that by chipping away at the stone, all they are doing is revealing it. 

In some ways, I feel like that is what my life is about.  Chipping away at everything that isn't me, until finally I reveal the core of close as I can make it...

On the other hand, the ice field, while beautiful, is not what's really there.  It's a facade, a shiny cold cover to conceal what really lies beneath. 

In what strikes me as something of a contradiction, I find that I can relate.

I wonder if, while I am trying to chip away at my fallacies and reveal my true self, I am also setting myself apart from humanity.  Creating space.  Protecting myself.  Building walls?  Am I also coated in ice, showing the form of a man but concealing whatever truth may lie beneath the shiny surface? 

Layers within layers within layers.

I am warmed to find, upon announcing my pending surgery, that I have a lot of people that care about me.  People that I tend to keep at arm's length these days.  I tend to keep all people at arm's length these days.

Maybe the two thoughts are not a contradiction.  Perhaps I'll chip away at the rock underneath the ice until I find my true self and then the sun will come out and the ice facade will melt and I will be left, cold and naked and raw and green and new as the first blades of spring grass...

Until some baseball team comes along and tramples me and we start the whole process anew.

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