Thursday, 17 July 2008

Why do I miss winter?

well you lucky people, here I am, 2 months later, back in the saddle again. Yeah, that's right, Mike's been drinking and he's all alone again, so time to start pouring out my heart. Not that there's anything in there. Well, I take that back. Clearly there is something in there...and that something is....survey says: PAIN!

Bah....I'm gonna be whiny and morbid again, I can tell. I don't really even feel that way...just bored more than anything....still waiting...still going through the motions....still trying to stay upbeat in the face of adversity....and still only letting my darker feelings flow through the keyboard. God forbid I vocalize them. I'll just post them up here where I know people can comfortably ignore them.

Don't you just love the anonymity of the keyboard? I can say anything here and it's like I never said it at all because I didn't, really. I typed it. It's so easy to forget and ignore the written doesn't bring people down, or ruin an evening or change much of anything. It just makes the person getting shit out feel a little better that he expressed himself somehow.

BLAH! I'm sooo moody lately. Tuesday morning I woke up in a great mood. Today I could barely manage to get myself out of bed. 2 days can change everything. Tomorrow will probably be different again.

Man, I get a lot of flack from my 2 readers about being too depressing when I write this stuff. As if it's all I go through in life. Really, I'm a pretty happy guy from day to day. I mean, I laugh and play along just like everybody else. I'm anti-suicide and try to keep to the status quo. Try to be a good boy and give them what they want....

Anyway, when I sit at the computer the darker side comes out and I guess it's pretty depressing. I probably sound like some loser emo kid as I click away. I don't know why that is. Anyway, it's just a fragment of who I am and not my entire being. I though you should know that.


- The other day I had a dream where I literally beat two people to death with my bare hands. It was quite liberating

- Everyone seems to think I'm crazy because of the way I am living right now but no one questions the alternatives or stops to wonder what other choice I had?

- My best friend is quitting smoking right now and I hope that he was mad last night because of the resultant chemical deficiency and not due to something I said or did

- I want to think I am funny but sometimes I wonder "what if I am not?"

- We had a conversation the other night and dying in your sleep was brought up. I don't want to. You only die once, and I think I'd like to be fully conscious.

- TV is really just flickering lights and sounds. How did it become our new religion? Opiate of the masses indeed. I guess the internet takes second place. Like Islam or Buddhism or something.

- I bet I could be labled racist or something for the previous fragment.

- Shoot I forgot to go to the dry cleaners and pick up those shorts

- Have you ever tried to decide what would be hardest to quit? Booze or Smokes or Coffee? I don't think I could really quit any right at the moment, but overall, I think coffee would be hardest. And yet it is the MOST socially acceptable. Of course, I may be wrong. I've never successfully quit any of these things.

- Youtube is the equivalent of dying your hair green or wearing a funny hat. It's basically just saying "LOOK at me!!! Pay attention to ME!!!" People who didn't get enough attention from their parents or loved ones as children are trying to make up for it now.

- Blogging is for people (like me) who feel like they got enough or even too much attention but that no one really understood what they were all about. I'd rather have one person say "yeah I get it" than 50,000 hits that just go "yaeh, so what?"

- I just got a text message and now I have to go. Good Bye and God Bless

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