Saturday 28 April 2012

The Snark

Sometimes I worry that I'm an asshole.  Not on purpose, not by intent, but still...more often than I'd like.

It's just that I'm both judgmental and self-absorbed.  It's sort of a dangerous combination because I'll blurt out statements that end up being mean or hurtful (cause I'm judgmental) without really realizing what I'm doing or the effect that I'm having on the person I'm conversing with (self-absorbed)!  It doesn't have to be a major thing...I can be mean about the smallest, inconsequential stuff for no good reason!  I just think I have a way of pointing things out that can make people feel stupid without actually accomplishing anything constructive.  You know, hurt someone's feelings without any cause.

Anyway it's an aspect of my personality that I just don't like and one that I've been really conscious of lately.  A little while back a friend of mine told me something that she was excited about and I just immediately shot down her enthusiasm in a weird, snarky way...trying to be funny but ended up being mean.  I don't even know why...I'd like to claim that I've become cynical in my old age but I can think of similar situations all the way back to grade school when I know that many found me both aloof and condescending for the same type of behaviour.  Sometimes I think it's going to be funny to rain on your parade...but all I end up with is a bunch of soggy floats...If it's any comfort, I'm just as snarky and jugemental about myself as I ever am about anyone else.  No excuse, but it's something perhaps. 

So I'm sorry to anyone and everyone who's feelings I've ever hurt because of this bad attitude.  I don't mean it, but every once in a while something in my brain is vicious.  The good news is that I'm becoming a lot more conscious of this behaviour lately and have been making a real effort to eradicate it!  I want to be the kind of man who lifts a person up and makes him or her feel better about life, not the kind that shoves a person down and makes one feel small.  We've all got enough of that in the world already!  Why would I ever want to add to it?

And yet sometimes I do...And I can't even promise that I won't do it these types of gaffes tend to slip out before I even realize that they're hurtful.  By the time I know it, the damage is done.  All I can say is that I'm trying to be better.  So if you happen to catch me acting like a cynical jerk, engaging in this sort of judgmental, condescending behaviour, please feel free to call me on it!  You'll be helping me out...

And seriously, don't ever be offended by anything I say.  My opinion is not really worth becoming offended about anyway! Even when I do accidentally say something mean, it says more about me and my demons than it ever could about you.  I know it's cliche but in this case it's really's not you, it's me! 

But I can change...I hope!

No comments:

Post a Comment