The Snark

Sometimes I worry that I'm an asshole.  Not on purpose, not by intent, but still...more often than I'd like.

It's just that I'm both judgmental and self-absorbed.  It's sort of a dangerous combination because I'll blurt out statements that end up being mean or hurtful (cause I'm judgmental) without really realizing what I'm doing or the effect that I'm having on the person I'm conversing with (self-absorbed)!  It doesn't have to be a major thing...I can be mean about the smallest, inconsequential stuff for no good reason!  I just think I have a way of pointing things out that can make people feel stupid without actually accomplishing anything constructive.  You know, hurt someone's feelings without any cause.

Anyway it's an aspect of my personality that I just don't like and one that I've been really conscious of lately.  A little while back a friend of mine told me something that she was excited about and I just immediately shot down her enthusiasm in a weird, snarky way...trying to be funny but ended up being mean.  I don't even know why...I'd like to claim that I've become cynical in my old age but I can think of similar situations all the way back to grade school when I know that many found me both aloof and condescending for the same type of behaviour.  Sometimes I think it's going to be funny to rain on your parade...but all I end up with is a bunch of soggy floats...If it's any comfort, I'm just as snarky and jugemental about myself as I ever am about anyone else.  No excuse, but it's something perhaps. 

So I'm sorry to anyone and everyone who's feelings I've ever hurt because of this bad attitude.  I don't mean it, but every once in a while something in my brain is vicious.  The good news is that I'm becoming a lot more conscious of this behaviour lately and have been making a real effort to eradicate it!  I want to be the kind of man who lifts a person up and makes him or her feel better about life, not the kind that shoves a person down and makes one feel small.  We've all got enough of that in the world already!  Why would I ever want to add to it?

And yet sometimes I do...And I can't even promise that I won't do it anymore..as these types of gaffes tend to slip out before I even realize that they're hurtful.  By the time I know it, the damage is done.  All I can say is that I'm trying to be better.  So if you happen to catch me acting like a cynical jerk, engaging in this sort of judgmental, condescending behaviour, please feel free to call me on it!  You'll be helping me out...

And seriously, don't ever be offended by anything I say.  My opinion is not really worth becoming offended about anyway! Even when I do accidentally say something mean, it says more about me and my demons than it ever could about you.  I know it's cliche but in this case it's really true...it's not you, it's me! 

But I can change...I hope!

Garbage in, Garbage OUT!!

 So a couple of days ago the train schedule screwed up a bit and I found myself with an extended break and time to just go for a nice, long walk through Suburgatory...aka the side streets north of the Danforth in East York.  It's amazing how you can go just one or two blocks north and feel like you're in a whole different world.  I like it!  I saw a tree in blossom and just stopped and stared at it for a minute with a big goofy grin on my face.  A dude walked by and looked at me funny...

Anyway as I was walking I had only one complaint, and it sparked an idea.  Not my idea, obviously, but a GOOD idea nonetheless. 

First my complaint was just that there is LITTER everywhere!!!  Garbage!  Everyone who knows me knows I hate litter.  To the point that if I'm walking along with you and YOU drop something, I'll pick it up and carry it to the next trash can.  If I can't pick up your exact litter, I'll pick up at least one piece of RANDOM litter to "make it even".  Most people who hang out with me stopped littering a LONG time ago...

Anyway so a while back I heard of a dude who was homeless or unemployed or whatever...down on his luck.  I see folks like that every day, unfortunately.  However the guy I'm talking about was different...since he couldn't get a job he got some work gloves, some garbage bags and one of those pointy sticks and just started picking up trash.  He wore a sign that said something like "Unemployed but still trying to make a difference - Donations Accepted"and just wandered around cleaning up the streets! 

Oddly enough, I almost never give change to homeless people.  I am generous and give to charity, but I just hate encouraging people to sit there with their hands out doing nothing.  However, if I ever saw this guy, I'd give him at LEAST five bucks!  He's making a positive difference and taking initiative!  Kudos! Why don't more people do this??

Anyway so from now on, when I'm out walking, I'm gonna pick up a couple pieces of litter even if I DIDN'T drop anything.  I think you should too.  We may not be able to fix the whole world, but we can keep the part right NEXT to us clean, can't we??  And if you've nothing better to do, why not steal that unemployed guy's idea?  It's fresh air, exercise, you'd be making a huge difference and making the world a nicer place, and if you can meet only two guys like me in a hour, you'll be making as much as you would at Walmart or something on minimum wage!  Win. Win. WIN!

Right?

1st Quarter Round-up 2012!!

O.K. I am back to see if I've been living up to what I said I would do this year back in January.  As you may recall, I discovered LAST YEAR that I can greatly effect change in my own life by following a few simple steps:

1.  Decide what I want to do
2.  Write it down
3.  Actually do it!  Hold myself accountable!!

Having said that, I don't know if I'm quite so successful this year...that's why I have to remind myself every 3 months to remember to be the person I WANT to be, instead of the lazy, default version.  So then, let's see what my 5 things were: 

1.  My number one priority this year - be OUT OF DEBT before 2013!

So far so good on this score!  I've just made another payment today, for a total of $3800.00 paid off so far this year.  With 8 more monthly payments this year and what I estimate is only about $8500.00 left to pay, I should knock this out of the park easily.  Even if I'm a little off in my math, as has happened from time to time... 

2.  Maintain my weight in the 135-155 range, while actually building a little muscle and tone.

I am 142 pounds as of this morning and have yet to see myself go above 145 this year.  Furthermore, although I got off to a no-start in January (slacker month!!) I have been doing my exercise routines at LEAST 3 times a week for the last 2 months.  Mainly focusing on core and upper-body strength.  It's made a big change!  My arms and chest actually have shape to them again and my stomach is getting really rock hard.  I wouldn't be surprised if I have abs by the end of the year!  Like those boys you see on the Television!  Unfortunately, no power in the UNIVERSE seems able to remove my love handles.  WTF body?  W. T. F... 

3. Memorize one song a month, chords and lyrics, throughout 2012.

Here's where I feel I really dropped the ball so far this year.  Again, January was slacker month for me...and this is a lot harder than I thought!  Having said that, I have memorized "Mary Jane's Last Dance" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers AND "Superman Song" by The Crash Test Dummies.  Having said that, I know the chords and the words (even keyboard on Superman Song) BUT that is not to say that I am playing them particularly WELL yet.  Practice, practice, practice.  I'm still going to try to list 12 songs by the end of the year, but honestly, if I can get 6 that I'm comfortable with, I'll live with that...we'll see what happens... 

4.  Write lots!

This isn't very specific, is it?  I am keeping up with both this blog and Fruitless Pursuits! I've also written quite a bit more back story and done a lot of world building for my novel/graphic novel/whatever it ends up being.  However, I would like to put aside one night a week where I work a lot harder on that and just write for a few hours.  This is hard because TV is very interesting.  However, soon it will all be reruns and hopefully thus easier to throw off the shackles of my electronic oppressor!  I mean, the Leafs didn't make the playoffs so what use is TV until September??  

5. Schedule one half day a month to really clean my apartment and keep it looking nice.

Well, I have been cleaning more in the new year, in particular keeping the bathroom and kitchen counters and whatnot a lot cleaner.  I am also dusting and tidying in general a LOT more frequently.  However, I have also slacked off on the BIG cleaning jobs.  Floors, windows, fridge, balcony, reorganize the bedroom....stuff that I've been meaning to do ALL YEAR.  I need more time off every week, I think...hmmm.

So that's it for this quarter.  Looking over this I am proud of what I've done so far, but I also see a LOT of room for improvement.  January really was such a slacker month for me....luckily things have picked up!  And why do I do these things if not to show myself where I need to do more?  Mission accomplished!

Limitless Undying Love to all the Bitches and the Ho's on the 87! ;) Have a great week!

Return of the Duck!

This is just an addendum to the last post about a Duck.  Just in case you thought I was crazy, I have photographic evidence of said duck!  Complete with plastic Easter egg, placed there by yours truly before noticing said duck.  Quack!!

Just so this isn't the world's shortest post and cause I also randomly got this photo over the weekend...here's a pic of me and several family members in front of the Alamo circa 1992 or so....Dig that crazy hair!!

Oh and finally, On May 7th there's a charity event going on on Facebook to help out the Wayne Foundation!  You may remember me liking them a lot back in the day!  Well, I STILL do!!  I'm gonna donate a couple bucks and I hope you do to!  Check out the Facebook page I'm referencing HERE.  If you can't donate that's cool...but try and spread the word!  Every little bit of help they can get goes a long, long way!  Thanks!

Peace! ;)

Duck Duck Goose!

Happy Easter folks! 

So since this is the first week of April, I was totally prepared to do a first quarter round-up this week.  Then I realized that between work and Easter festivities I wouldn't have nearly the amount of time that I want to actually write that properly.  Instead, I've decided that I will think about all of that next week and today I will simply tell you about the duck.

This morning I woke up at 6 am and drove up to my parents house to go help hide Easter eggs for the kids at their church.  I figured that since I've been waking up at 4 am every other day for work, 6 was not too much of a sacrifice, and a bunch of little kids strung out on chocolate that are in no way my responsibility might be fun! Why not go up and help out?

So I'm hiding Easter eggs out in this park and I am immediately attracted to a large stump protruding from this one tree that looks like a good place to hide eggs.  I go over to it and place one of the plastic eggs nearby.  Suddenly part of the tree grows larger, sprouts wings, makes a snap movement towards me and a funny noise!! Turns out that I am not the only one who thought this stump was an excellent spot to hide eggs!  A DUCK had come to the same conclusion, and was nesting there with a clutch of eggs!  I guess this isn't that strange (although there wasn't any pond or stream within sight), but this duck was so well camouflaged in the tree that I was less than 6 inches away from it and still completely oblivious to it's presence till it stood up and quacked at me!  It's amazing the things we DON'T perceive....makes me wonder what else I walk right by without noticing...and how can I better train myself to open my eyes??  Crazy...

Anyway so that's my Easter story for the year.  It seemed super appropriate...Have a good one!