Well it's been a week or so and I've thought a bit about deceit and relationships and the internet and at the end of the day I can't come up with a simple, black and white answer to the questions posed in my previous blog, here.
I guess in regards to the movie Catfish, I'm inclined to side with Nev. He clearly is missing something essential in his life to become so involved in an online relationship and I feel it's cruel to toy with his heart in the way that Angela did. Although her story is tragic, Angela should not have spread that misery. I suppose that, had the relationship been confined to a purely online existence, it wouldn't cause such a conundrum to me. However, once it moved into the realm of telephone calls and potential meetings, once it became "real" and involved real feelings, that relationship had gone too far to be forgivable.
I couldn't feel any anger or hatred for Angela though. Her reasons are obvious and I can only sympathize. It's just that, as I said, misery sucks and shouldn't be spread around, regardless of how much it loves company.
I consider the very few big secrets that I've held in my life, and how they have informed my actions and thus events, even when left undiscovered. How secrets and lies can alter a person's behavior and how hard it becomes eventually to separate fact from fiction. It's simply not worth the trouble. I'd personally rather be alone and miserable and myself than live out something that isn't fully honest, even if it brings me happiness of a sort. Whatever mistakes I've made, it has been better to admit them and move on, regardless of the consequences.
Not that I can't relate. Unfortunately I find myself currently alone and, if not miserable, certainly frequently unhappy. Since I'm unable to find anyone interested in who I really am, at least right now, I suppose it would be easy to make up an online persona who is more capable of making the sort of connection I am lacking. I'm sure, however, that just as in Angela's case, that connection would be fleeting and without foundation, ultimately causing more grief. Better to just live with who I am, even if no one else can.
I suppose this means that I prize honesty above happiness. I wonder if that's the right choice?
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