creature

lonely creature haunts my head
wicked thoughts lie in my bed
want to lie with you instead
tonight

whispers that could end it all
reruns of my greatest fall
eating at my one and all
tonight

creature that abhors the light
clawing at my sad birthright
lost the will to try and fight
tonight

depression rears it's ugly head
dark angel floating near my bed
a frightening thought of time ill-spent
tonight

here i am and all alone
wondering if you'll come on home
creature sitting on his throne
tonight.....

Canadian days....

So I meant to do an update on Canada day, but since I didn't get home until 3 am after working a lovely evening shift, I didn't quite get around to it. However, a happy belated Canada day to all and also happy 4th of July to my American friends. I've always been fond of Canada day for a few reasons. First, I am quietly proud to be a Canadian citizen. All through my childhood, growing up in the States, I was known as "that Canadian kid" and it always gave me a sense of pride, a sense of being something different from the norm. Ironically, upon my return to Canada in 1987 I became known as the American kid. This in particular since I had developed an accent (since shed) from my time spent in the mid west. The story of my life...although I am generally like everywhere, I don't quite fit in anywhere.

Anyhow, since my return to Canada back in 1987 I have come to appreciate the country for different reasons. Canada has a quiet dignity and an abundance of natural beauty that is sometimes understated but always present. Even here, in the heart of our country's largest city and in the middle of a garbage strike, the natural beauty of the country presents itself. In one of the biggest cities on the continent, I can still feel like I am in the middle of the woods by just walking ten minutes away from my apartment building. We have rivers, we have beaches, we have forests and meadows..not to mention some "great" lakes, all within Toronto city limits. This is an amazing thing. It's no wonder that I am annoyed by those who litter here in Toronto. They don't know just how lucky they are.

Of course the USA had some beautiful scenery and natural wonders also. Our are less obvious though, and thus suit my taste just a little more. It's a quirk of mine.

The second reason that I am fond of Canada day is that it is also the halfway point of the year. It's a good time to take stock of what you've been doing so far and what, if anything, needs to be changed. Can be just the kick in the ass that you need to finally get around to accomplishing all those tasks that you've been putting off for the last 6 months. For myself, I certainly need to finally file my taxes. Luckily I don't owe any money so there are no penalties, but seriously...that should have been done months ago. I also desperately need a brake job for my car that I've been putting off, not wanting to spend the money. Oh, and there's that little matter of finally actually filing for divorce rather than simply being legally separated. I really ought to get around to that.

Speaking of accomplishing things, I thought I'd update on how the book writing is going. First off, my ambitions of writing 500 words a day from my last post are falling far, far short. I learnt in short order that I need to be in the right state of mind or else my writing is terrible. Thus, I've decided to write at my own pace rather than force myself to an arbitrary number of words per day. Better to write 50 words that I enjoy than 500 that I dislike. It's actually a fairly simple concept, but it hadn't immediately occurred to my poor, goal-oriented brain.

As far as the story itself, it is coming along quite well in my brain and on paper...filled another 6 pages hand-written in my notebook just today...and the story has expanded in my head as I realize that it may take a lot more than 30,000 words to tell. So I am content. As long as I can keep motivated to continue writing, at whatever pace I choose, then I am happy. Hopefully I won't lose interest until I finish for once. Time will tell. Thanks for the support from those who are interested in what I have to write! It is a huge motivational factor for me to think that someone other than I might care about it....

So that's the first week of July for you. Happy birthday Canada and America! Now everyone back to work!

burnt

crispy life
crispy things
burnt the toast
burnt my skin
your flesh
too hot to touch
never be
this way again
fire hydrant
flame retardant
make me smile
& hurt myself
your eyes
so ablaze
burnt a hole
into my brain

where are all the heroes
that have come to save the day?

fire crackers
fire starters
too much heat
for me to stand
no one knows
big disappointment
tie me up
& start again

never saw a hero who
might come to save the day.