skip to main |
skip to sidebar
It's random quote day here on Stryder's Dementia! Well, actually, it's totally not, as none of these quotes are even CLOSE to random, each pertaining to the same basic subject matter. Rather, I read the first quote and the other two popped into my head, sticking around long enough for me to want to share it with you, the two people who read this blog. (You would be amazed how many ideas and concepts do NOT stick around long enough for me to share them, incidentally). What exactly this says about me or my trains of thought, or what it means to my life in general, I have yet to decide. Maybe that'll be my next blog...
So quote 1:
She could only stare at him. "You don't love me, Sebastian. You don't have any idea what love really is. You can't love anyone or anything until you love your own existence, first. Love can only grow out of a respect for your own life. When you love yourself, your own existence, then you love someone who can enhance your existence, share it with you, and make it more pleasurable. When you hate yourself and believe your existence is evil, then you can only hate, you can only experience the shell of love, that longing for something good, but you have nothing to base it in but hatred. You taint the very concept of love, Sebastian, with you corrupted longing for it. You want me only to justify your hatred, to be your partner in self-loathing.
(from "The Pillars of Creation" by Terry Goodkind)
Quote 2:
...And in some vague way, I hated the fact that only extreme pain in me could ever wring from her the slightest warmth or interest. Yet she'd been my saviour. And there was no one but her. And I was as tired of being alone, perhaps, as a young person can be.
(from "The Vampire Lestat" by Anne Rice)
Quote 3:
You can't save a damsel who loves her distress.
(From "Gossip Girl" the television series)
If anyone has any input into what exactly I mean, please feel free to comment. I will give you one hint. Quote 1 is something I would like to tell another. Quote 2 is something I feel about myself, and Quote 3 is what another should be telling me. Discuss.
I'm supposed to blog at least once a week now, and today was totally going to be my day. However, instead I just read through all of Luke and Suzanne's blogs that I have missed since last Thursday or something and I'm trying to finish a partially constructed pixelized enemy for Abraham Lincoln (I can't explain...just go here)....and I've only got ten minutes until I have to leave for my second shift today and I haven't eaten the burrito that is rapidly congealing in the microwave and I still have to get dressed too, SO.... I'll try for more later this week but if I don't get to it then this still counts.
So I feel bad that I started this blog and almost never post on it. I mean, 7 posts so far this YEAR! And the year is almost over....Now take into account that the two blogs I follow are updated nearly daily and you can see how horribly I have been underachieving.
See the problem is, other people's blogs are witty and entertaining and have a point (sometimes). I have none of this. Beyond that, I don't do well with topics. Story of my life, given too many options, I tend to choose none. I need boundaries or something.
In any case, the point to all this is that I think I can at least manage to update once a week. I won't promise anything (never again if I have my way) but I'll try and do a weekly update at least. Hell, at this point once a month would be an improvement.
So what happened today? Two things that were really odd happened to me. First, during my lunch I came home and watched "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" which in itself is not odd. However, after doing this I went back to work and just started to really really relate to how a terminator must see the world. Particularly since my job is now so machine-driven. Anyway, so I was walking around sizing everyone up as if I were a terminator and started to really try to think about what it would be like. I decided that the way a terminator would look at the world is not much different from how I do on a day to day basis and thus came to the realization that I don't really think of myself as human or relate to humanity at large very well. Well, not that this is a new revelation to me but it came into my mind today and I dwelt on it. I tend to look on the random people that populate the city as somehow separate and completely different than I. I wonder why this is? Intellectually I know that they must all have their own thoughts and feelings and preoccupations and whatnot, but I just don't feel it when I look at them. I think it may be a side effect of seeing so many thousands of people a day. Perhaps since I can't relate to all of them I have subconsciously chosen not to relate to any of them. This could become problematic in the future.
Anyway, the weirdest thing happened later on. I was driving the subway train when in between Warden and Kennedy stations in the outdoors area I saw a snowy owl sitting next to the tracks. This was at about 3 in the afternoon and a snowy owl had no business even being awake, never mind sitting next to train tracks watching trains go by. As I passed I was just staring into this owl's big yellow eyes, and I swear he was looking RIGHT BACK AT ME. Not at the train or anything, but at me in the driver's seat. I don't know why he wasn't freaked out that this giant train was passing right next to him, but he seemed quite undisturbed and was just there staring at me. It was so odd. I almost thought I was just seeing things but I asked around and other drivers saw the owl too. A couple even took pictures on their camera-phones. Apparently the owl just hung out there for an hour or so this afternoon. When I returned on my next trip he was gone.
But seriously, it was so weird. I almost pulled over the train and got out to check on him. Seriously. If I didn't have the sense of obligation that I do, I certainly would have. I think I was more concerned with this owl than with any of the thousands of people I saw in the last 24 hours.
So yeah, I can relate to being an unfeeling outsider and an owl looked at me. That's my day. What conclusions can I possibly draw from this?
Time to break out "Use Your Illusion" and listen to "November Rain" ad naseum. Then it's on to "Long December" in only 30 days....
You know I have the news on in the background and Canada's big stories today are that they just got Toronto's "Official Christmas Tree" down from up north and set up in front of city hall, and also that a woman has returned a library book that is 61 years overdue. Oh and that book was actually due in Oklahoma. So it's international news.
Also we are a culture obsessed with weather and car crashes. So there's a lot about that on there. Actually the top story is a car crash up in Richmond Hill. Two people died. Happy Halloween! They are looking for a gold coloured Toyota Corolla as they believe that the driver may have been a witness. Well, there's only about 14 million of those in the G.T.A. so good luck my friends. This is why I walked last night...no driving on Halloween thanks....
We are also supposed to have average snowfall this year (as opposed to last year, when we had greater than average snowfall). I wonder how they know these things?
Oh did I mention I finished my subway training last week? That's right, now I DRIVE the train! Look out....This is not mentioned on Toronto's news, although according to my dad I was already pictured on TV driving the train on a news broadcast last week...if so they were awfully sneaky as I didn't even see a camera crew. Big brother is watching!
As you can tell I'm kind of bored today and don't really have anything to talk about...just killing time until the pool opens...yup, another blog about nothing....think I'll go make a sandwich. See ya whenever....
