Every once in a while I post something here that seems to really resonate with people. Last week was one of those posts. I got a ton of feedback. It's nice, you know. Reminds me that I'm not as alone as I'd sometimes like to believe. There are people in the world who understand all too well exactly what I'm going through and empathize in ways I'll probably never even know about, much less fully understand.
It makes me wonder just how much we really know about the people around us. Even our closest friends and lovers must just be a treasure trove of, not secret, but unshared thoughts. I know I am. Some people know how to be super-zen and turn off their minds for a while - zone out if you will. Not me. My mind is constantly going from the moment my eyes pop open in the morning to the moment I have that little death of a system crash every night...I can't stop it, no matter how hard I try. To write, I don't even have to think about anything in particular, I just have to listen to what's already playing in my brain and try to type it as fast as I can think it.
Anyway, all this is to say that despite me writing things down nearly constantly and sharing my thoughts and feelings with whoever happens to be in the room with me as well, I still only really share about 0.5% of all the stuff that goes through my mind in a day (percentage completely arbitrary and made up on the spot). I suspect that most people are like that. Really it makes me wonder, just how much can anyone really know anyone else? However it is comforting in that you know if everyone is similar to this than there are lots of people who probably think the same as you and you just never knew. I happen to know it's true because, like I say, every once in a while I post something that resonates.....
So the relationship I was most jealous of as a teenager, and one that I still miss today, was the relationship between Scott "Cyclops" Summers and Jean "Phoenix" Grey of the X-Men. Not because of the individuals (I've always disliked Scott and thought Jean should be with Logan!) but because due to Jean's telepathy, these two shared a mental bond that allowed each full access to the others thoughts and feelings. I suppose a Vulcan relationship would be the same - I've always been fascinated with the mind-meld. I would prefer a little more passion in my relationships though...I'm all too human. Just imagine, being with another person who could never misunderstand you, who would know you as they knew themselves, who would FEEL what you feel and would STILL want to be around you! Seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it? Maybe that's just me. Still, it's what my ideal relationship would be like and what I try to emulate in the real world by being as open an honest and trusting as I possibly can with the ones I love, despite my sometimes jaded and cynical nature. Of course, so far relationship-wise this has only resulted in me being used, abused, lied to, cheated on and then left, broken hearted to laugh at myself and the idiocy of it all. Strangely, I still believe in the idea though. If you can't give as much of yourself as is possible to a relationship, why bother having it at all?
Perhaps this explains why I am still single. I'm waiting for someone "mind-meld" trustworthy. I had lost hope that it was possible, but hey....turns out a lot more people identify with me than I suspected. I may have to conclude that if that is true, than anything truly IS possible.
Oh hey, PS - It's snowing in Toronto as I write this! First time!!! As the Starks are wont to say, Winter is Coming!
No comments:
Post a Comment