Thursday, 12 January 2012

Decisions, Decisions....


I've been thinking a lot about the way that people make decisions lately.  Why do humans do the things we do?  A lot of it seems pretty dumb and self-destructive.  Usually pretty obviously so, too.  So what makes us decide that something is a good idea?

Typically, I find it very easy to make decisions.  Most of the choices I've had to deal with in life have been self-evident to me, even if they've made almost NO sense to anyone else.  In hindsight a lot of my decisions have maybe been pretty bad, but for the most part I'd make the same choices in the same situation if I had to do it again.  Any given decision I've made in the past was what made the most sense to me at the time and had the best chance of achieving my agenda given the information in my possession at the time of the choice.  As a matter of fact, I can only think of two choices I've made that I would change, and if I changed the first one it would eradicate the circumstances surrounding the second.  Of course, my agenda isn't always clear to everyone.  Occasionally people think I am trying to achieve something that I am not.  It's hard for me to explain how my brain functions.  My goals are often fairly abstract.  But I digress...

My interest today is in the decision-making process.  I wonder how most people go about making decisions?  I suspect most, myself included, would claim to weigh the pros and cons, judge what they are trying to achieve and what it might cost, perhaps get the opinions of some trusted advisers, and eventually, carefully and analytically, after worrying and stressing for some time, after trying to peer into the future and glean some hint of what path is most beneficial to them, finally decide what to do.  

I also suspect that most people, myself included, are fooling themselves when they claim that the above is their decision making process.  I am starting to think, more and more, that this is simply the rationalization process.  I suspect most people know exactly what their decision is, or at least what they WANT it to be, in the first couple of seconds after being presented with a choice.  All of the analysis and stress and sleepless nights are simply a way for your brain to talk (or perhaps trick) itself into believing that the choice you want is really truly the RIGHT choice.  Your brain wants you to believe that this choice, made subconsciously and instantaneously, is really for the best...it's the smartest choice...definitely not a huge mistake.

Which of course it may or may not be.  There's no way to know for sure until you try it.  Odds are, in the big scheme of things, it won't matter much one way or the other.  It'll likely just move you further down the path you were going along anyway. 

I don't know if the above is true or not.  Are our decisions based on logic and thought, or are they really just instinctual?  I'm not sure, but I'm leaning towards instinctual.  Every other creature on this planet acts to it's nature...we must as well!  Just consider the scorpion.  Then if this is true, doesn't it mean that most of our actions are preordained, not because of some mystical destiny or fate, but rather just because being who we are we couldn't possibly have made any other decision anyway?  Preordained due to the laws of probability and human nature.  Even though we bear the trappings of free will, we really have very little control over what we decide.  Whatever choice we make is based on our own nature and rests atop all of the other choices we've made in our lives.  It makes our actions practically inevitable.  Fait accompli!

Having said that, I still don't know if it's true.  Maybe it's true unless we struggle to rise above it and seize control of ourselves?  An interesting idea...I'll think about it.  In either case, whether this idea is true or whether it's just a strange idea, I still strongly believe in personal responsibility and accountability.  Does that make me a hypocrite?  If so, I can't help it...it's in my nature!!

Thursday, 5 January 2012

Resolute 2012!!


Well, now that the new year is in full swing, let's see what my goals are...as long time readers know, I made 5 simple goals last year that I actually more-or-less stuck to and that really helped me feel like I accomplished something in 2011.  I hope to capture that same magic twice by saying I'll do something this year, and then doing it!  But what shall I do??  Let's see....

1.  My number one priority this year - be OUT OF DEBT before 2013!  Based on the payments I made last year and the amount that I still owe, this is a completely reasonable and manageable goal.  I may have to tighten my belt slightly, but it CAN AND SHOULD be done.  Stay tuned to find out if it will!

2.  Last year I lost about 40 pounds.  In the last 5 years I have lost about 150 pounds.  Sadly, a lot of that is muscle mass.  This year I would like to maintain my weight in the 135-155 range, while actually building a little muscle and tone.  Not training to be Batman, just a little tone.  In this spirit, I have decided to start on a weekly exercise schedule - nothing even close to strenuous - just something I can do that's positive and physical at least once a week to help myself feel better and stronger.  I am a very lazy person, but I don't think this is too much to ask of myself.  If I manage to exercise once a week for the year I'll consider this fulfilled!

3.  Last year I wanted to learn how to play some more difficult songs on the guitar, and so I did!  This year, I want to memorize some of those songs.  When I play now, I use a songbook...I want to be able to play more songs right off the top of my head.  In that spirit, I've decided to memorize one song a month, chords and lyrics, throughout 2012.  Maybe I'll even record the song-of-the-month for Youtube.  This month's song is Mary Jane's Last Dance by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers.  I'll let you know how it goes.

4.  Writing - I am doing quite well keeping up with this blog and also with Fruitless Pursuits!  I want to continue to maintain that for sure...at least one article a week for Stryder's Dementia and at least 2 a month for Fruitless Pursuits (one a week as long as I keep up my current weekly comic book article)!  I also would like to work more on developing story ideas for some longer fiction that I've been working on and also I'd like to work a bit on songwriting.  Unfortunately, I know better than to try to force those...I need to be in the right state of mind or what I come up with is crap.  Nevertheless, I think it can be done!!

That reminds me - I have a great story idea for a Graphic Novel.  Sadly, I can't draw at all.  If you're an artist looking for a writer, please let me know!

5.  Finally, I have decided that my living environment has a tremendous impact on my emotional well-being and that I let it get too dirty and cluttered too often!  Thus, at the VERY MINIMUM, I need to schedule one half day a month to really clean my apartment and keep it looking nice.  I am sick and tired of being apologetic when someone who's not over often comes by.  Not that my place is ever really dirty, but I always feel like it could be a little cleaner.  Perhaps once I pay of my debt I can pay someone to do this one for me?

All right well that's all I got right now.  Mostly these are a natural continuation of last year's goals and I think that's a good thing!  I also still want to be more adventurous and open to trying new things, just like last year, but I decided that this is a goal not quite measurable enough to post for the year.  It's too open to interpretation!  Let's just keep open and fun and see what the new year brings! 

Happy 2012 everybody!  Remember the words of Mahatma Gandhi - "Be the change you want to see in the World!"

Saturday, 31 December 2011

New Years Present!!!


HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!  Last day of 2011 and everything's fine! 

So Danielle Fricke released "Hello Little World", her first indie album, this morning and I've listened to it several times throughout the day.  Her music is so beautiful and vulnerable - as though each verse were spun of spiderwebs and blown glass and other fragile things like hearts - I'm IN LOVE with her songs.  The whole album is a story and each song is a chapter.  Crafting an album is practically a lost art but here we have an excellent example.

Thanks Danielle!  Even though I paid (completely voluntarily) for these songs, I consider them a gift!  Danielle has gifted us all with these tiny fragments of her heart and soul.  Like pieces of moonlight refracted off still waters, piercing and momentary, imperfect but pure.  Listening to Danielle is like stumbling across a little bit of a larger truth in a deceitful world.  I for one am in her debt because of it.  I don't find a lot of new music that really speaks to me these days, so when I do I really appreciate it!

"Hello Little World" is heartfelt and wonderful.  Go download it right now!!  Click HERE!!  And please, if you can afford it, give Ms. Fricke a couple of bucks for her effort.  She obviously deserves it and it'll encourage her to record even more!  Win win!

Happy 2012 Everybody!  Love you guys!  Here's my personal favourite song from "Hello Little World", no longer "Untitled", it's now christened "Springtime"


Wednesday, 28 December 2011

2011 Year-End Round-Up!!



Well, how about that!  In just a few days we'll have made it through yet another year!  Astounding!!

So 2011 was, for me at least, a year of great change.  A year wherein I have finally decided to wrest control of my life away from outside influences and initiate changes all by myself, instead of just waiting for change to happen.  It's been a good year and I'm feeling incredibly positive as we move into 2012.  My life is going well and things are only going to get better!!  Even failure is only training for success!  Quite a switch from my attitude of years gone by....

So last year about this time I set myself a few simple goals for the year.  New Year's resolutions, if you will.  You can see what I intially wanted HERE.  Then I held myself accountable every quarter to make sure I was staying on track.  Of course I shared all that as well - 1st Quarter, 2nd Quarter and 3rd Quarter!  It's been an interesting ride and, I believe, a great way to keep my mind on my goals and not just spin my wheels all year long.  Next week I'll have a whole NEW list of goals for 2012.  For now, however, lets see how well I REALLY did in 2011: 

1. Lose at least 10 pounds (shouldn't be hard in a whole year. I'm 185 now. What will I be at the end of 2011?) 

Here we are at the end of 2011 and I weighed myself this morning.  I weigh 146 pounds.  Earlier this month (before several days of turkey and stuffing) I clocked in at 142!  Regardless of my exact weight, I've maintained myself between 140 and 150 for over 3 months now.  I'm very satisfied with that!  As a matter of fact, I bought all new clothes that fit me as a skinny person AND I received my very first M size shirt in YEARS for Christmas!  Not only did someone think I was a medium, but she was right, the shirt FITS!  I was both flattered and pleased. 

2. Make a more significant effort to free myself of debt (minimum payments are not enough!) 

Okay overall for 2011 I was obligated to pay off $9000.00 of my debt.  I decided that this was not enough and set a personal goal to pay them $15,400 dollars over the course of the year.  Unfortunately, I had a few unforeseen expenses (who doesn't!) and couldn't make that number.  I did, however, pay a total of $13,450.00 over 2011!  That's not too shabby!  As a matter of fact, I now owe less money than I paid out in 2011, putting me that much closer to being completely debt free! 

3. Write more (at least get 2 blogs a month in) 

Well, I've maintained at least one blog a week here at Stryder's Dementia (for a total of 58!) and I've also contributed to over 25 articles over at Fruitless Pursuits.  Beyond that I have been developing a few longer fiction pieces in my brain and the several notebooks that are lying around my apartment. Oh and a few songs are being written and arranged just to keep things interesting.  I'm still not happy with the volume of material that I am writing but I think it's getting far closer to what I'd like it to be.  My main problem is a combination of motivation and time management.  In other words, I'm lazy.  Regardless, I'd say that overall I nailed this goal!  I've found one of the biggest secrets to accomplishing my goals is to write them down.  It makes you feel good if you then actually do it and bad if you don't..... 

4. Learn some more difficult songs on guitar (sometimes 3 chords is NOT enough!) 

Yeah, I practiced my guitar a lot this year and learned some more difficult songs and whatnot.  It's been fun!  I don't, however, think that I put NEARLY the time or effort into this that I would have liked to.  It's a shame that it took me and the boys till nearly the end of summer to realize that we could just wander downstairs and jam in the park!   Still, I feel more confident as a guitarist then I did at the beginning of 2011 so for that I am grateful! 

5. Be more adventurous. (I'm going to NYC this September. With or without company.) 

Well, as you know if you read the last round-up, I never did get to New York City.  I did some stuff though.  There was travel and there was a lot more getting out of the apartment this year.  Maybe not as much as I would have liked, but a definite improvement over 2010.  My main problem here is that I keep waiting for someone to go with.  I'm not brave enough to do these things on my own right now.  That's gotta change in the upcoming year I think.  More about that NEXT week.....

I guess getting my hair cut and whatnot counts as being adventurous.  Really all I mean by "be more adventurous" is to leave the apartment fairly regularly and to leave the city occasionally.   Be more courageous, attempt to meet and have conversations with new people, and just stop making excuses to stay home and sit on the couch all the time!  I still don't know WHERE to go to do this on a regular basis but I'm trying.  It's hard to learn.  Social behaviour is often still the hardest for me...if any of you have any advice, please feel free to share!  I did get a few offers before Christmas to go out and do some stuff that I've put on the back burner while I am on crazy holiday work schedule.  Maybe those offers can come out in the new year to start!  

Well, that's about it for 4th quarter and thus 2011!  Oh, of course the most notable, not-on-the-list thing:  I still haven't had a cigarette since Labour Day!!!  I know 4 months is nothing when it comes to the demon nicotine but it's still a good start!  I don't have any desire to go back to it - if I do you can all mock me mercilessly!  

Thanks for reading all year!  I've broken all my own Internet records for hits and whatnot!  It's been great!  Stay tuned next week to learn what I'm planning for 2012 and we can all do it all over again for a whole new year!!!  Although I may run out of exclamation points before then!!!!!!  See ya! 

!!!